I’ve helped change people’s minds about the LGBT community Putting that alone into perspective satisfies my soul. As I try to quantify the relationships that I have, I realize that I wouldn’t know half my friends and acquaintances (and former lovers, of course) if I weren’t attracted to the same sex.
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People come into our lives for all kinds of reasons, but when you’re gay you meet and befriend people on a regular basis just because you’re gay. Does this make me a gold star gay? That’s debatable, I suppose, but I’m certain I’m not a daddy. I’ve had girlfriends in the past – and we’ve done things, however begrudgingly on my part – but I’ve never had penetrative sex with a woman (even though I still consider the prospect from time to time, but I’ll save that for a future column). Some define it as a gay person never having intercourse with the opposite sex while others tighten the criteria to include ever being in a romantic relationship with the opposite sex. There’s a slang term you may know called “gold star gay.” Its definition is somewhat loose. Which sort of makes you wonder, doesn’t it? If we all started beating the bigots’ asses, maybe they’d start to recognize how just a little kindness goes a long way. In hindsight, I’ve realized that many people lack compassion and empathy because they’ve never known what it feels like to need and want it. I know what it feels like to be called names and spat on and beaten for being different, and every day those memories inform how I treat others. Compassion and empathy come naturallyīeing picked on, called a “faggot” by your classmates, and physically and emotionally abused by your family aren’t easy things to reconcile as a gay adolescent and young adult – especially when I felt completely alone in the world – but there was a silver lining: Instead of letting those circumstances undermine who I am, I turned the pain into something positive. Because I’ve learned over the years that being gay is a blessing – even when it was in disguise.Īs the holidays approach and we express gratitude for all that we have, I give thanks that I’m a homosexual – a proud one. Now, in my mid-30s, I look back on that time and reflect on just how wrong I was.
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Life would be so much easier that way.īut as you know, with age comes wisdom – and self-acceptance. Why did I feel so different? Why wasn’t I like the other boys? Even after I came out in my early 20s, despite having mostly come to terms with being gay, I sometimes wished I were straight. There were times as a teenager that I would stand in front of my bathroom mirror, staring into my own eyes, and cry – trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Like many of you, I was once confused about my sexual orientation.